The Ramblings of Me

scribbles of a crazy person

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So this will probably be boring and I'm sorry about that. I just need somewhere to write stuff that people I know in the real world won't see so they don't hound with me questions.
So I went to the doctors today to ask about seeing a therapist because I've been trying to deal with everything on my own my entire life and it's finally gotten too much to deal with. But me being me I thought nah I'm probably just over reacting. I won't need help. But even the doctor said yeah you have anxiety and depression, and we'll set you up with a councillor and they'll probably put you on tablets right away.
How cheery is that right!?! My own family can't even tell there's anything wrong. They just think I'm a horrible person who gets moody for no reason!
And a doctor who has never met me before, knows nothing about me, can tell that I need help!
That makes me feel better. Not.
But at least I'm going to get help now. I just hope the pills don't turn me into a zombie or something.
It's like. Great. This is who I am now. That's what I'm gonna be known for. The girl who's depressed and had anxiety that one who sees a shrink.
When people ask why is she like that why is she quiet and not talking or whatever, people will say oh she has mental health problems.
Which yeah I know it's nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed about because you can't help it. And so many people go on every day ignoring their problems that could be getting help. So it's good that I reached out.
It's just everyone else. All the judgemental fuckers that will treat me differently and tip toe around me. Like my own fucking family. My mom got pissed off because I might get moody with the tablets I might be on. Might. Might might might!
Like seriously. You have a daughter with issues and you get pissed off about it. And you wonder why I never open up to you. Like getting annoyed at me is gonna really help my progress. Seriously. Good job mom!
I just wish my dad was here :( I know. I mean I KNOW everything would be so much better if he was still alive.



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